Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
