Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize