Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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