hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
