Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
