I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
