Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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