My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
