wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
