Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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