Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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