I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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