Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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