after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
