I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
