So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
