Got a toothbrush?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
