If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
