Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
