I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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