that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
