Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you never un-have a 4some
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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