I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
