My first STD was from a foam party
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
