Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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