dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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