I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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