apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
