her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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