So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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