ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
