I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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