im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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