Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
