Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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