I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
