I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
