After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
