so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
