I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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