Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
