whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
