soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
