how can u be prego again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
