I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
