I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
