If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
