she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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