So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
