just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
