you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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