I think I died a long time ago.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize