I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize