Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
