You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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