I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
