just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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