I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
