you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
