so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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