I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize