Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
