you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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