sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
