The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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