She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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