My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
