apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
