when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize