my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
