i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
