it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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