I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
